


"Remember my smile, as if it's all you have."

by sayunoque



Series: Love Disease //DreamNotFound (one-shots) [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Fluff, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:48:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28982862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sayunoque/pseuds/sayunoque
Summary: It pains one to move on. Moving on is hard, but it is harder when you still haven't accepted the reality.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: Love Disease //DreamNotFound (one-shots) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2166492
Kudos: 3





	"Remember my smile, as if it's all you have."

I laid my fingerstips on the keyboard carefully. An empty feeling was all over me, I could not even join anyone's stream, or even join someone's video. Nor can I make my own videos, or stream in the first place. It's not because of the 'Dream cheated' either.

My mind is stuck on a specific place. A place so nostalgic and tragic. So lovely, yet it makes me bleed. His smile is stuck on my mind. My mental health had been going for the worse, and the accusations didn't affect me at all, it's all just one person.

Manipulatedー Yes, manipulated is the word. It is hard to still recover from things. It hurts, as if he was my everything. Nothing else seemes to matter anymore. All I can say is I wish he was here, and I was in his arms.

But then again, the cycle would continue itself. No choice is there to be done once you have been awakened. I almost lost all my friends because of him. I realized everything when George and I had a fight about him.

GeorgeNotFound... He seemed so frustrated about something. He would avoid talking about him, or he would change the subject whenever it was about him. But once he shouted, let out how much he wished he didn't exist, I realized some things.

He was manipulating me into becoming all alone. All his. And no one else's. No, not something like a yandereー There was no love. He just wanted to 'own' me like I am somw mind of object. Something to call his own 'property'. And when I went viral, it became worse. He wanted to 'own' me even more.

"I hate this," I muttered to myself as I stroked my forehead. My head was hurting the more I thought about it.

I shook my head as I joined in the Dream SMP. I don't really have a house on the SMP for a reason. So that nobody can steal or burn down my property. Only my inventory and the ender chest is enough.

Well, there is a secret storage that belongs to me. Only for things like blocks and basic materials, also steaks and all. Nothing so important. So that I won't lose anything if anyone ever finds it.

Using sprint to run toward the ocean, I made my character jump in it. Using the trident, I traveled to a completely random island.

I decided to join in an empty voice channel. As soon as I joined, George joined right after me for some reason. He was in a voice channel with Sapnap and BadBoyHalo. Why did he just ditch them that fast?

I unmuted myself. "Hi?" My voice went more high-pitched like always. "Dream, I'm so sorry,"

Oh. Right. The day we fought was two days ago. We haven't talked since. I stayed silent for a bit as my heartbeats seemed to slow down. It felt like it's slowly stopping. Or empty, in a way.

"I don't know, George." I still didn't break up with him. I have to soon, but I don't know if I can. "I don't think you should be sorry for that."

George seemed to get a bit confused. "What...? But you sounded so hurt, you didn't even want to talk for two whole days, Dream." I let a sigh out of my mouth as I stopped my character from moving, rubbing my eyes in a tired way.

"You helped me realize some stuff." I closed my eyes tightly, then opened them, making character run around instantly. "Actually, everything."

He was silent for a bit. "I did? You see it now?" Suddenly, his voice was a bit stern, harsh. Hint of rage behind it made me shiver. I have never heard him this mad enough to not be able to hold it all in.

I felt my hand shake slightly. "Yeah... I don't think I can break up yetー" He cut me off. "What do you mean you can't? What the hell do you mean? He is just an obsessed freak, Dream!"

I felt my heart race in fear and anxiety at once. He sounds so mad, it scares me. I took my hand off the mouse and keyboard as my I started shivering a lot. "Dream, I'm sorry, I lost it. Please don't be scared."

He must have seen through how silent I am, and how intense the atmosphere seemed to feel. "Uh... Ge-George..." I could not even speak properly, my mind seemed to be blocked off as a whole.

No words made sense, even if it came out of mouth. "I really mess things up, Gosh..." He muttered. 

"I'm sorry, just... I can't handle watching you from afar as he takes you away from meー I mean, us." He groaned.

"You need time, I understand. Take the time. I'd like to say that I'm here, but I seem to fuck things up for the worse, so I guess Sapnap or BadBoyHalo is there for you."

Those words showed me how much he didn't seem to trust himself. My heart ached. Making him feel that way, it made me feel like a horrible person. "It's fine," I guess I calmed down now.

I understood him. "This isn't the right time, but..." I raised an eyebrow. "I have been so jealous of him, for being your boyfriend, your getting to be your everything."

That just confused me more. "Why?" I tilted my head. I heard him do a lip smack as a sigh escaped his mouth, as if he is troubled.

"I... love you, Dream. More than a friend, something more than a friendship." He was silent for a second as I processed that. "I don't want to take advantage of your mental health either. So. I want you to answer with honesty."

"Even if the answer is that you feel the same way, don't push yourself. You have yet to break up, then to move on, and you can tell when you are ready."

It made me feel genuinely cared for. His words and his tone showed how much he cared, it showed how he just wished the best for me. That made my face heat up. "Well, George..." I thought a bit on what to say. "We have known each other for quite a long time now."

"But I don't know. I don't know how I feel about you at all. I know for sure that you are my best friend, but I'm not sure if I only think that way either." I thought a bit more.

I tilted my head to a side as I let my fingertips lay on the keyboard again as my other hand rested on the mouse, making the character keep on running toward somewhere. "I want to try it."

"I want to give you a chance regardless, I want to explore what I really feel about you." I heard a small sigh of relief. "Okay, I will be waiting."

That sentence alone was enough to comfort me. There was no pressure. Just honesty. No pushing. Just respect and care. "I don't know how to tell him." I muttered. "Take your time, but get out of there as soon as possible please." He repositioned himself on his wheelchair from the sound of it.

"That relationship is just incredibly disturbing, and toxic. I don't want you to be stuck in that cycle." He said in the most serious tone I probably ever heard.

A small smile appeared on my face. "Okay. I'll try my best." It might be hard, but I knew that I wasn't alone. That's right. I had George. Sapnap too, Bad... I had people that care about me. And I almost pushed them out of my life, because of someone that came in my life very later on with bad intentions.

"Uhm..." George seemed like he has something to say. "I'm going to stream now. If you feel like joining, just hop in the VC." I was silent for a bit. "Okay, see you." I hoped that he isn't feeling down now. I hope that his stream won't be ruined.

However, I could not join them. Just the talk I had with George didn't help me at all either. It helped me feel better, but it put more things to deal with. I don't want to make him wait too long either.

Maybe I should try to stop myself from thinking about others too much. I forget myself a lot. My feelings just doesn't seem to matter, nor my opinions. I put others before myself a bit too much. Really makes me remember how I get defensive if my friend or family is the one being insulted, but I don't get defensive at all when it's myself.

I leaned my back against the wheelchair, crossing my arms behind my head. Closing my eyes, a sigh escaped my mouth. The sound of the zombie made me instantly come back to reality.

Killing the zombie, I decided to leave the game. I logged off Minecraft as well. I left the voice channel I was in and opened Spotify. Holiday is my favorite, so I put it on to maybe cheer myself up a bit.

I hummed the tune of the song in slight joy as I looped the song. Dream's Spotify account is more than sick of me looping Holiday, but oh well. I just can't help but keep on listening to it, it's just so good for me.

I stretched a bit as I heard a notification from my phone. I took it in my hands, only to see that he messaged me.

My whole body froze as my eyes widened. I didn't want to talk to him yet. But ignoring a message would be rude, right? I don't want to seem rude. As I felt my hands shake slightly, I shook my head. I opened my phone and clicked his message, reading it.

BF - I see that you're not joining their streams anymore  
Good

My heart was racing. "I wish I never realized," I muttered as I felt myself tear up.

You - Yeah, how are you?

BF - Pretty good, darling :)  
You are good too, i assume

You - Of course  
I'm talking to you after all :)

I hate having to lie. I hate that I have to talk to him when he is why it hurts.

BF - Good to know  
Wanna play Minecraft 

You - I just logged off from Dream SMP  
I feel a bit tired since i pulled all-nighter with you last night

BF - Ngl i understand that, you gotta sleep well, big man  
Hope you sleep well then :)

At least he isn't one to only make it his entertainment. He cares, but he is possessive. And paranoid.

You - Thank you, ttyl :)

A few teard dropped on my phone's screen. I wiped the tears off the screen as I closed my phone and placed it on the table. I realized that I unconsciously changed the song from 'Holiday' to 'Two' by Sleeping At Last.

Oh, how this song expressed what I do. There is no 'me, myself, and I', there is only 'you, and yourself'. The tears started falling faster as I stopped the song. I logged off Spotify and closed all the tabs, and apps. Closing the computer, I got up.

I laid on the bed slowly, and stared at the ceiling. My thoughts seemed blurry as an empty feeling filled me. A minute passed until I realized that Patches was laying on my chest, purring loudly.

That put a smile on my face. I gently stroked her fur. She seemed as if she is smiling. I closed my eyes, leaving my hand on her back. With her on my chest, purring, I fell asleep a bit fast.

The last thing I heard in my mind before falling asleep was George's comforting words.

**Author's Note:**

> don't forget to check out my wattpad, @ is sayunoque , i got more stuff in there. i upload from there.


End file.
